Scrubs: The Online Chat
by Clover-tan
Summary: An online convo between JD and Turk turns wild and disturbingly random as the members of Sacred Heart go online! "Perry cox has logged on." "Unicornz4lyf: dr cox Hiiii!" "Perry cox has logged off." A girly JD, a ranting Dr. Cox, a suicidal Ted and more!
1. Chapter 1

I love online chat parodies and such and thought that I'd do one. ^^ I hope you like it~! Read and review please~! :3 (Some of the talk involves scenes from some episodes so if you don't watch Scrubs or if you aren't a fan, you might not get it. ^^) It's just randomness really. xD

* * *

**Unicornz4lyf has logged on.**

**Chocolate_bear has logged on.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: hey, chocolate bear! :D

**Chocolate_bear**: hey, vanilla bear!

**The_todd_time69 has logged on.**

**The_todd_time69**: Hey guys! *online chat 5*

**Unicornz4lyf**: *hi5* :D

**Chocolate_bear**: *hi5* hey JD, u changed ur username?

**Unicornz4lyf**: yeah, the todd kept on bugging me when my username was I_luv_cox.. ¬¬

**The_todd_time69**: that name is genius!!

**Unicornz4lyf**: I actually did it to bug dr cox but yeah…

**Perry_cox has logged on.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: DR COX!!!! Hiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!! :DDDD

**Perry_cox has logged off.**

**I_like_whores has logged on.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: u know, that username… reminds me of someone.. :/

**I_like_whores**: dirty pm, anyone?

**The_todd_time69**: MEEEEEE!!!

**I_like_whores and The_todd_time69 have entered a private conversation.**

**Chocolate_bear**: …. U don't think it was Kelso, do u…?

**Unicornz4lyf**: ………………

**Perry_cox has logged on.**

**Perry_cox**: Ah, to hell with it, newbie, don't you dare talk to me.

**Unicornz4lyf**: But dr cox….

**Perry_cox**: What did I just say? I mean seriously, not only does your ridiculous username, grammatical errors, and smiley faces irritate me to the fullest, the very presence of you, even by the internet, annoys me to hell.

**Unicornz4lyf**: ……….. *sneak hug*? :3

**a_worthless_peon** has logged on.

**a_worthless_peon**: do any of u know what it's like to jump off a hospital rooftop? I need some tips..

**Unicornz4lyf**: ………….

**Chocolate_bear**: …………

**Perry_cox**: Well, the easiest way is to stand on the ledge, close your eyes, count to three, jump and once you see nothing but darkness, you're dead. If not, then you'll experience a hell of pain and then maybe die later on.

**Unicornz4lyf**: and then you'll enter a wonderland filled with fluffy clouds, angels, and unicorns, better known as heaven. ^_^

**Perry_cox**: Newbie, shut it.

**Chocolate_bear**: do we know u…?

**a_worthless_peon**: probably not.. I'm a lawyer.

**a_worthless_peon has logged off.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: we don't have a lawyer at sacred heart, do we?

**Chocolate_bear**: not that I know of..

**Cutie_girl_single has logged on.**

**Cutie_girl_single**: dirty pm, boys? ;)

**Perry_cox**: …. Jordan?

**Cutie_girl_single has logged off.**

**Perry_cox**: I mean seriously, she should at least change her username if she doesn't want me to know that she has dirty convos with random strangers whom she doesn't even realize could be a man or woman, even though I already know...

**Latina_princess has logged on.**

**Latina_princess**: Turk, bedtime.

**Chocolate_bear**: woot! Up high for me getting some!

**Unicornz4lyf**: Y^_^Y

**Latina_princess has logged off.**

**Chocolate_bear has logged off.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: well Perry, that just leaves us two… :3

**Perry_cox has logged off.**


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, I seriously didn't expect that it'd go pretty well since I just did this out of pure randomness. xD Well, in this chapter, there are some references to some episodes in Scrubs. ^^ (Like when Elliot cancelled her wedding with Keith and he instantly hated her.)

Note: When Perry/Dr. Cox seems to talk to himself, don't be confused, he's actually like, talking to God, even though he doesn't believe in Him. (He does that in so many episodes as a recurring gag. :3)

* * *

**Perry_cox has logged on.**

**Perry_cox**: 6:03, that's when newbie and the other Sacred Heart staff logs off, yes!! I'll write that down as a note…

**Unicornz4lyf has logged on.**

**Chocolate_bear has logged on.**

**The_todd_time69 has logged on.**

**I_like_whores has logged on.**

**Perry_cox**: What, are you bored up there?!

**Unicornz4lyf**: dr cox!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs* :3

**Perry_cox**: And here we go again with the absurd grammatical errors, unlimited exclamation marks, ridiculous smiley faces, and internet actions that will not, of course, occur in real life..

**Lord_of_janitors has logged on.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: the janitor has internet?!?!?! :O

**I_like_whores**: goddammit, to think that I actually wasted an hour of my life dirty talking with a guy yesterday…

**The_todd_time69**: heh heh, that was me ;) and actually sir, you were pretty good at the internet foreplay!

**Perry_cox**: You've gotta be careful there, Bob, I mean, you don't have many hours left so you've gotta put it to good use.

**Lord_of_janitors**: good use, huh?… well, u can start with rising my pay so I can buy a chainsaw and drive it through Dorian's face :D

**Unicornz4lyf**: janitors can type smiley faces?!?!?!?! :O

**Chocolate_bear**: ¬¬…..

**Lord_of_janitors**: enjoy your life while you still can, Dorian. *evil glare* Mwahahahaha!!!

**Lord_of_janitors has logged off.**

**I_like_whores**: seriously, who was that?

**Perry_cox**: The janitor, who did you expect?

**I_like_whores**: our hospital has a janitor..?

**The_todd_time69**: gotta go now guys! My enlarger has just arrived through the mailbox!

**Unicornz4lyf**: ……………..

**Chocolate_bear**: ………….

**The_todd_time69 has logged off.**

**a_worthless_peon has logged on.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: oh hey! It's the suicidal guy! Hi!!

**a_worthless_peon**: ur advice sucked!! I didn't die! All I got was a cracked head a broken nose!! And I'm not even close to dying!!!

**Chocolate_bear**: wow, he's desperate…

**Perry_cox**: Stab yourself with a knife right now, in the heart. You'll definitely die.

**Unicornz4lyf**: dr cox, that's not a good joke…

**Perry_cox**: Who said anything about a joke?

**Control_freak_not has logged on.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: lemme guess… Elliot?

**Control_freak_not**: hiya~! :3 x

**Perry_cox**: Oh no, it's the attack of the internet kisses…

**a_worthless_peon**: fhiediohnfvodsd;ncriblgnowaerifnru;

**Chocolate_bear**: what…???

**Unicornz4lyf**: I think he actually did stab himself right away and his head probably fell and hit the keyboard…

**I_like_whores**: huh… I gotta get myself a new lawyer..

**Unicornz4lyf**: it was Ted?!?!

**I_like_whores**: of course it was, who else can be more miserable and boring?

**Perry_cox**: Well….

**Chocolate_bear**: then y did u keep quiet about it?!?! DDD:

**I_like_whores**: Because I can. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to eat my free muffins.

**I_like_whores has logged off.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: They were meant to be _my_ free muffins... ¬¬

**The_dude_meister001 has logged on.**

**Control_freak_not**: hi, Keith~! :D x

**The_dude_meister001**: Great.. It's the disgusting, straw-haired pig whore again..

**The_dude_meister001 has logged off.**

**Control_freak_not**: he's still mad at me…. );

**Perry_cox**: Nah, 'course not, I mean, all you ever did to him was cut off the marriage a week before you got married. No sorry, I meant _supposed_ to get married. Of course he wouldn't be mad, that wasn't such a big deal and besides, you had such a great excuse: You didn't love him. After dating him for over a year and accepting his marriage proposal, you realized that you didn't love him! I mean seriously, that's a common thing, right? Everyone has that issue. That's why people like Ted exist..! Seriously Barbie, it's not surprising that he wants to cover your mouth in duct tape, tie you up in chains, and set fire to you, heck, I never dated you, since I, of course, have taste, but I still want to murder you like your ex boyfriend, a.k.a pretty boy, does.

**Chocolate_bear**: Wow, you can seriously rant, like, everywhere, can't you?

**Unicornz4lyf**: Aw, just look at the bright side~! :D at least he learned some new adjectives~! :3

**Control_freak_not**: but I don't get it!! It's been over a month since our cancelled wedding and he's still so cold and angry towards me! I'm trying my best to understand and be nice to him but he still won't let it go! I mean, what am I supposed to do?! I can't stand it anymore! Frick!!!!!! DDD;

**Perry_cox**: Zzzz….

**Control_freak_not**: Dr Cox!! That's not funny!!! D: I wasn't even done complaining yet!!!

**Perry_cox**: Oh dear lord… must… log out.. Now..

**Perry_cox has logged off.**

**Control_freak_not**: JD, Turk, you guys will listen to me.. Ryt..? xxx

**Chocolate_bear**: I, uh… oh my god!! Izzie just did a slam dunk! Gotta go!

**Chocolate_bear has logged off.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: Izzie can't even walk, let alone jump.. ¬¬

**Control_freak_not**: JD, you'll listen, ryt??? x

**Unicornz4lyf**: I, um… oh my god! Sam just started walking!! I gotta go too! See u!!

**Control_freak_not**: JD, Sam's at Kim's apartment…¬¬

**Unicornz4lyf**: what are u, some kind of stalker?!?!

**Unicornz4lyf has logged off.**


	3. Chapter 3

I love making references in my fanfics so if you watch_ Friends _or _Twilight_, then you'll find a parody of it in this chapter. ^^ Enjoy~! Reviews appreciated~! By the way, this chapter is set when Elliot and JD are in a relationship. (I'm a _Friends_ fan, but my friend asked me to make a _Twilight_ reference since she's obsessed over it +_+)

Note: Janitor has had a crush on Elliot for some time. XD

Actually, this chapter is pure randomness so you might not like it. XD I just did it while doing biology coursework. (Y)

* * *

**Perry_cox has logged on.**

**Perry_cox**: Huh, newbie's not online. Perfect.

**Unicornz4lyf has logged on.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: *sneak hug*!!!! :3 Hai hai~!!

**Perry_cox**: Oh dear lord, no…. newbie, how the hell did you know I was online, even though you're offline? It kills me to say this but I must, repeat, must know. And this isn't out of the blue, but are you just too dumb to spell 'hi' correctly?!

**Unicornz4lyf**: I appeared offline~! ^^ tee hee~!

**Perry_cox**: Can you stop with the girly talk?! Jeez, you even talk like that online??

**Control_freak_not has logged on.**

**Control_freak_not**: OMG Hi guys~!!! ;D xx

**Perry_cox**: Well, I guess it's obvious now that God hates me…

**Unicornz4lyf**: Elliot, stop hogging my laptop!! D:

**Control_freak_not**: go back to bed, u!

**Perry_cox**: I don't even want to know what you two are doing…

**Lord_of_janitors has logged on.**

**Lord_of_janitors**: Dorian, some guy, Blonde doctor… blonde ..doctor….

**Perry_cox**: Some guy, huh? Some talk for a lousy janitor. I mean seriously, what use are you? You don't even mop the floors, you actually make it dirtier. Heck, you've never done any work in this dump for your whole life..! So, 'some guy'? Well, just so you know, _I_, some guy, save lives, so who are you to talk?

**Unicornz4lyf**: surprisingly, that was probably the shortest rant you've ever spoken :O

**Control_freak_not**: Hi, janitor~! :3 xx

**Lord_of_janitors**: oh lord… no.. not the kisses.. I beg u.. NOOOOOOO!!!

**Lord_of_janitors has logged off.**

**Unicornz4lyf**: O_o….

**Chocolate_bear has logged on.**

**Chocolate_bear**: Yo, VB! Wassup??

**Perry_cox**: You know, being me, I'd probably not be in this ridiculous conversation but Jordan had a failed liposuction and well, she looks horrific. Not like she never did before, but now she's as skinny as a stick.. Like Barbie..!

**Control_freak_not**: D: excuse me???

**Unicornz4lyf**: hey Turk! I'm watching a movie :3

**Chocolate_bear**: Twilight?

**Unicornz4lyf**: TWIIIIIIILIGHT~!!! 3 :DDD

**Perry_cox**: Oh dear God, no… that ridiculous corny vampire movie that Jordan watches on repeat day in and day out? I mean, it's absolutely crap, what with the stupid girl who risks her whole life for some charming glitter boy and that golden retriever who's just obsessed with her? And the worst part is, the guys both look crap and the girl's just some emo-obsessed student who just throws away everything for a bloodthirsty vampire. Teenagers are so dumb..

**Unicornz4lyf**: but Edward's hawt!! D: 3

**Control_freak_not**: JD!!

**Unicornz4lyf**: well he is ¬¬ and FYI Jacob's a werewolf :/

**Perry_cox**: Oh no, the annoying text talk…

**Chocolate_bear**: oh I'm watching Friends, y'know the show kind of reflects our lives, even though it's just a TV show. Like Rachel and Ross kind of reflect JD and Elliot, with JD being Ross and Elliot being Rachel. Not like the characters r real or anything.

**Perry_cox**: I don't know why, but I felt like there was a slight irony to that…

**Monica_geller has logged on.**

**Chandler_funny_guy has logged on.**

**Monica_geller**: wait.. What r we doing here?

**Chandler_funny_guy**: Ikr! Can this _be_ any weirder?

**Monica_geller has logged off.**

**Chandler_funny_guy has logged off.**

**Perry_cox**: …Did that just actually happen?

**Unicornz4lyf**: ……….

**Chocolate_bear**: ……….

**Unicornz4lyf**: well.. Mr peep is getting pretty tired so I guess I'm out~. ^^ Bye everyone~!

**Chocolate_bear**: The Todd would SO love this conversation… see you, VB.

**Control_freak_not**: JD!! Don't sleep yet!! D: we're not even done yet!!

**Chocolate_bear**: yup, he'd love this conversation so much, he'd probably make love to it..

**Perry_cox**: Oh come on, that guy would make love to anything.

**Unicornz4lyf**: bye guys~! By the way, Dr Cox , I'll be watching you~ ;3

**Unicornz4lyf has logged off.**

**Control_freak_not has logged off.**

**Perry_cox**: Huh… peace.. Finally..

**Chocolate_bear**: oh yeah, by the way, Dr Cox… Carla and I r kinda in a bad situation right now and I was hoping if you'd give me some advice and well..

**Perry_cox has logged off.**

**Chocolate_bear**: ;D Hah, worked like a charm~.

**Latina_princess has logged on.**

**Chocolate_bear**: Heyyyy, babyyyy ;)

**(Perry_cox is appearing offline.)**


End file.
